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Monday, June 6, 2011

Too much time away

I’ve taken a break from writing for a while.  Words weren’t flowing as they usually do & I wasn’t feeling like doing it quite frankly. 
And then I realized that I’m not doing it for anyone else.  Sure, my words have reached China & Australia & that is just so stinkin’ cool really. 
But it’s more about doing it for my kids.  Writing about what is on my heart, in my head, on the tip of my tongue at any given moment. 

With all that the internet possesses that is negative, leaving words….stories…memories…for my kids, is something I can do HERE that I couldn’t have done 10 years ago. 

Maybe I’ve had a hard time with it because I don’t know the focus.  Should it be a testimony?  Should I focus on crafts?  Decorating?  Past mistakes that have been reconciled? 
Maybe my focus should be just not to have one.  Cuz sometimes, it’s hard to focus when you’re a mom of 3.   If these words just reach 3 hearts, then I’ve done my job well. 

If my words touch 3000 hearts than I will be even more grateful.

So instead of writing nothing, I’m going to write ABOUT nothing…for awhile. 

Some days, I may write about something earth shattering & awe-inspiring.  Some days, maybe I’ll just stick to the basics & write about baking cookies with the kids. 

I’ve always put too much pressure on myself.  Wanting to do everything.  And do it ALL well.  And then when I do that….chances are, I only do some of it with half a heart & that gets me nowhere.

So for today, I am going to appreciate my favorite tree in the world.  The one right outside our front door.  The one that has seen many more years than I have.  It’s branches dance with the breeze on these summer afternoons & bring us so much beauty even in the changing of a season as the leaves fall away.  I just love that tree.  Birds have made nests there.  Kids have climbed it.  Rest has been had underneath its full branches.

We pruned it a few weeks ago & it almost physically hurt to watch as the dead branches were cut away.  I knew it was for the good, that it would be even more beautiful in the coming years, but I didn’t like it at the time.

(Kinda like some parts of my life)

I have another story about this tree that I will share some other time.  For now, I’m just going to listen to the leaves rustle together as the breeze settles in for the afternoon & my kids are taking a much needed nap.

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