In the eye of the storm

It has been 9 years.

9 years ago my life was torn apart by a spiritual tornado.  My first husband was diagnosed with cancer 3 years prior & lost his battle.  And, the walls that were built around my very secure life were broken down in an instant. 

There was every warning sign.  Thunder & rain were present.  I saw it coming.  I felt it’s fury.  I knew the outcome.  But what I didn’t foresee is that it would tear my heart out of my chest at the same time.  Leaving me unable to breathe.  Incapable of moving.  Silenced by pain.  I couldn’t change it.  No physical shelter was going to protect me from it.  The damage would be done.

 Unexplainable. 

Incomprehensible.

Excrutiatingly painful.

And there I stood.  I was surrounded by a mound of rubble & ruin that appeared insurmountable at the time.  All I saw were branches & boards where walls used to be. 

Wondering how to rebuild.  But my foundation was strong.  I stood on God’s promise of love & grace. 

But where did I go from there?

So, slowly I began.  Sometimes minute by minute.   Hour by hour.  To rebuild.   My own deadline for restoration wasn’t met.  But I set that in my own time.   Not God’s.  And He had His own plan.  My structural issues were more damaging then what I thought.

He needed me to reach out in so many ways.  I had to rise up & stand where I once fell on my knees. 

In tears. 

In prayer. 

In complete reliance. 

I was scarred.   Torn.  Pulled apart.  In ruins. 

Tears didn’t even come anymore.  But light soon did. 

Sadness turned into singing.  And courage that I didn’t even know I had showed up at the front door of my heart.

The past needed to be cleared away to make room for future blessings.  And there WOULD be blessings! 

 Mercy & grace sewed themselves together with possibility & produced something brand new. 

My hands were lifted high….to Him.  Because that’s all I had. 

I had to rest in His hands.  To allow for THE Carpenter to do His work.  To let the rhythm of the hammer that was building a new life for me settle in like a beautiful song instead of a rattling noise in my head.

I had to trust…..in the Mighty God that is so much more powerful than any little tornado could EVER be.

 My house was not rebuilt overnight.  Or even in a year.  The transformation is actually still taking place.  Most is complete.  But there is always more to do.  More to learn.  More that I let settle into my heart.   More that I need to trust God with.  More that I need to lay at His feet.  Ways that I am still, even after all this time, leaning on Him for strength. 

My house is not perfect.  It still has cracks.  But the main renovation is done. 

Now my house stands more beautiful then what I could have imagined.  The tornado stripped away those things I didn’t need.  A new door to my heart was installed to let in love, patience, tolerance & mercy.  I stopped using shutters of anxiety, judgment, fear & unhappiness & put in new windows that help me see a different world.  Have a new perspective.  And most importantly, to trust in Him for ALL things.

 

We are all building a new house in some way.  We all will have storms that tear us down.  It’s up to us to decide how we will rebuild.  Let it be with the help of our forever God!  He is a carpenter after all!

Have you ever had to rebuild?  How did you do it?