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Friday, February 12, 2010

I can't outrun the chaos

I am stretched.  Pulled in too many directions.
I have no more give.
No more requests.  No more saying ‘yes’ to everything.

Every day I think ‘this will be the day’.
The day I give more to my kids than anything else.
The day I don’t let errands & chores get in the way of what really matters.
Today I will give up something not so important to focus on the one thing that IS!...my family.

I am always thinking of something else.
What to write about next.
What I need to make for dinner.
Did I email her about the play date next week?
Did I get the kids applications in for school & summer programs & classes & swim lessons & everything I think they need to be the happiest, most well-adjusted, well educated toddlers to walk the earth.
When is my next half-marathon?  Did I book the right hotel in Napa?  When do I need to start training again?
When is vacation Bible school for the kids?
Did I get everything done for MOPS?
Did I read my homework for Bible study?
Did I call her to make sure she didn’t need anything else for the party?
Did I do everything I needed to so that my husband felt loved this week?

Wait…..I need to do laundry & mop & clean the kids rooms & color code the closets again because in the chaos of it all, I’ve mixed the reds with the browns & that just won’t do.

Did I do enough with the kids today?
Did I read to them?
Help them with their colors & alphabet?
Did I make sure all of their senses were touched on today?  Did they feel enough, see enough, taste enough for them to be happy?

I need to clean the car, clean the garage, pack some boxes.
Get things ready for the next consignment sale in April.

Oh, and then there is work.  It’s only 20 hours a week but it’s 20 less hours that I can focus on everything else.  I love it.  But it still takes time.

And no matter what……if I’m investing time in one thing, I’m taking time away from something else. 

So what will suffer?
My children?
Our marriage?
The organizations I volunteer for?
Friendships?
My relationship with Jesus Christ.
My relationship with myself?

Something will eventually give.

I’m not sure what to stop focusing on just yet.  But God will show me.  He wants me to be where I need to be for today.  Even in the chaos.  Because, today I am seeking Him for peace & patience.  For redirection & renewal.  Today, I will focus on Him first & the rest will all fall into place exactly where it needs to be.

Where do you feel pulled right now?  Do you feel stretched?

1 comment:

  1. You are indeed up to your eyebrows in alligators, but I have the utmost faith in you and in God to get it all sorted out and prioritized His way. Hang in there!!
    Love ya,
    Mom

    ReplyDelete